Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Won't You Let Me Go?

Another day awaits. Another day it is. Another day full of surprises is here. Would it be a fun day today? Or would it be another gloomy day like the weather this morning? But still, one thing remains in my head all night. Will you let me go? Will you let me live the life I had wanted, that is if you know what I wanted. But if you knew, we wouldn’t be where we are today, going our separate ways. “Am I miserable?” How could you even ask me this question back this morning? I woke up to your text and it made me think a while. Am I gonna be miserable as you claimed or would I just enjoy what I have and let the past go, or to let you go. But I do admit. I am miserable but I don’t sulk over it. I let it flow right through me. I fill my space with chores and work. I kept myself busy. I try not to think about the worst that could happen. Perhaps, I should ask you the same question. “Are you miserable?” No, I don’t want to know the answer but I hope that it’s a No. I’m afraid to learn the truth. What if you said Yes. How would I react? Would I just laugh it off as a joke or would I soften my heart for you? Whatever it is, I don’t think I can take it anymore. The impact you had on me is too strong. Perhaps, my love for you was overrated. Maybe it was undying love. But whatever it is, our love died along that lonely path. We exchanged vows, yes we did but I guess we both couldn’t commit to what we’ve offered one another, the undying love.

Sometimes I wonder, what is undying love? Is it a love that never dies? Is that true love? It remains unanswered. Perhaps I will never know what it is cause of the pain you’ve caused me. Do you think I will look at love the same way again? Do you think its that easy for me to love a person? It is easy for me to like a person and to tell others that I love him but its just a saying. It doesn’t mean anything, does it? But it takes time for me to fall truly madly deeply in love with someone. Its rare but I fell for you. I trusted that you will do the same in return but you threw it all away with one silly mistake. A mistake that impacted both you and me and impacted me on how I would look at relationships in future. Should it take time for me to heal this broken heart? I don’t know but time will tell. It will, trust me.

For that, I begged you to let me go. Let me start my life all over again. Let me learn how to love again.

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