Thursday, August 20, 2009

Losing Someone Special

Words cannot express how sorry I am for hurting you. I never thought that it would bring you down. I thought you were the forgiving kind and would learn to forgive and forget about the past. But I was wrong. I was totally wrong about you. I suddenly realized that perhaps I didn’t know you that well. Well enough to be considered as a best friend. I guess, being sorry is merely not enough. I have apologized numerously but to no avail were you there to forgive me. Sometimes, the truth hurts but sometimes, I asked myself, as to whether I truly cherish your friendship. The days we spent skipping classes and hanging out at the back of our college seemed fruitful. We both did it. We both aced our exams. But sadly, we had to go our own separate ways because of my foolishness and your stubborness. I have done my part to help save this friendship but it seemed like I’m the only one who is playing my part. It is painful to lose someone so dear to me and who has spent most of her time trying to understand me. I hope you still remember the good old days we spent together. The outings, the dates, the nonsense that we used to come up with, the fights, the breakups and the get togethers. Wasn’t it fun? How could you have not missed all these? Does it feel the same when you do it with others? As for me,it never felt the same. It has never felt that good around other people. But if we were fated to not be friends, then let us accept the fact that it was destined to be this way.

Do you still remember the good old times we used to have at the little stall opposite our college? The one we used to have our lunch at while gossiping about others. And after lunch, how we bought jelly beans from the supermarket. And not paying attention to the lectures as we were too busy eating the jelly beans in class? How we smuggled a can of jolly shandy into class. And what we did 2 weeks before exams? I could still remember what you told me when we played truant 2 weeks before exams in Time Square. You told me that, “No matter what we do, we have to make sure that we aced this exam and become successful lawyers.” But I guess, we did it. Debbie, we did it!! We aced the exam with flying colours and we’ve turned our lives into something good. I miss you. That’s all I can say. In fact, I missed the good times I had with you. Looking back at the past when we smuggled the two cups away and ran all the way to the train station and not returning there until today, when we exchanged presents for all occassions, when we dined like kings and queens in the hotel and when in times of trouble, you were even there for me. You kept me above the line. You made me happy. You complete me.

But just because of a silly judgement I made a year back, it kept you away from me. Numerous messages, cards, letters were sent to express how sorry I am were being thrown away. I know you’ve read my letters. I know you’ve seen the messages but you chose to ignore. Perhaps, I wasn’t a friend. And I think that you deserve a better friend. Someone who would really care for you and be there for you at times of trouble. I thought I was that person back then but then I realized that I’ve let you down when I turned you away when you were at your lowest point. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I’ve made a mistake. I’ve let you down. I’ve taken some time to look back at what I did. What I did to you that really caused a break in our friendship. The bond was really tight, wasn’t it? How we spent V-Day together instead of with our partners. How you took a cab from Subang to KL just to be with me when I ended a relationship and was having a hard time going by. I never thought that spending time with you that day actually saved me from suicide.

But I guessed its over now for you and me. Its been 2 years now since we last met. Its been 2 years now since we last spoke to one another. And its been 2 years now since I last wrote the word, “I’m truly sorry” and addressed it to Debbie. Even so, you’ll always be in my heart and will always be my best friend and I must say No one, No one at all, can take that place away from you. Thank you for being a friend. And perhaps after 2 years since the last note, I must say that I really regretted what I did some time ago and I’m really SORRY.

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