Monday, March 22, 2010

Thank You

Sayu terpisah
hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah
berhembus angin rindu
begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu
hujan lebat mencurah kini
bagaikan tiada henti
kaulah laguku kau irama terindah
tak lagi kudengari
kau pergi.. pergi..
sepi tanpa kata
terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa
apa pun kata mereka
biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia..

How sad can a song be when you actually listen to its words and then try your very best to relate it to your life? How much tears it would bring you when you associate the lyrics to your miserable life? Well, it did. I cried listening to this song, while relating my life to it, to all the sad relationships I had. It made me wonder what it would be like if I were to stay happy.

A song dedicated to the men in my life : Ajantha, Rafayel, Steven, Mark, Harvey, Andy and Brian.

If only things had worked out for us, where would we be today? Where would we stand this very moment? How happy would I be? But when you're just about to dream of those good old times, someone had to yell your name from afar and wake you up. Wake you up and made you realize that it was just a dream. A dream that will never come true. And then, at the end, you're just sitting at the corner of the room, typing your miserable story online.

Saying Goodbye is not that bad. Sometimes, in fact, it will make you move forward. Move on with your life. Its no point sulking over spoilt milk. Its just a life. Your life. And if you dont learn to appreciate what you have in front of you, then one fine day, you will find yourself in an empty room, all alone. And you find yourself so small in this world. Or to put in other words, the world is just too big for you.

Andy, you woke me up last night. You were the voice inside my head all these while. You finally made me realize who I was. What a monster I was. Perhaps, through your eyes, I am one. An evil one eyed monster. I never knew. I never knew till last night when you finally broke your silence. And I often thought you were my friend. A friend who cared. A friend who loved me. But I guess, no human in this world could keep such a big secret right? Well, at least you didn't. But do you know that you had hurt me so bad? Bad enough to cause me so much pain and misery? You made me lose a friend. And not only that. He was a friend I loved so dearly and will never hurt till the day I die. What you said yesterday made me feel like I was being run over by a trailer. You made me feel lifeless. You made me feel naked.

But thank you Andy.

Those are the only words I can say to you. Thank you for opening my eyes to this cruel world. And not forgetting, thank you for making me feel useless and unappreciated...

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Scandaling Made Easy

Some one had asked me a few hours ago how I was so lucky when it comes to men. Well, I don't think myself as lucky but I do have the courage to go for it if I really want that person. How can I be lucky when I have two failed engagements? Well, not exactly two, maybe one coz the first one, I had actually dumped him. Well, dumped him for the second one and only to find out that the second one isn't really the guy for me. So it was a mutual understanding that we both should walk our separate paths. So,I guess the count stands at one at the moment.

Well, my friend's question had actually brought me back 6-7 years ago when I was still in college...

I was a real bitch when I was in the early 20s', all alone in Kuala Lumpur, had complete freedom, and most importantly BROKE. Well, I used to keep up with the trend back then, always shopping, skipping classes just to go shopping. So, I was usually broke by 10th of the month, not counting that I had to pay my rent of RM250. At that
point, food was not a big deal. If I didn't have money to eat, it didn't matter. I would skip meals just so that I would have money for clothes. It wasn't easy then. And then came the real deal. A friend from college asked me if I was keen on making more money and who would resists right! And soon I was hooked up to an American, in his 50s', a businessman, who travels to Malaysia once in every three months. Fortunately enough, we clicked. And then came the luxurious lifestyle. Its like a package, really! A luxurious condominium in the heart of KL was mine (actually he rented it out for me), I was driving a Cefiro (he had rented it for me as well), and an allowance of RM3000 was mine to spend. Just what a girl like me needed! Owh, did I forget to mention that he had paid my college fees and exams as well? And then settled off my loan with PTPTN? How could I resists such an offer right? And besides I have all the freedom in the world. He didn't really care what I was doing or who I was seeing when he was not around. Just as long as when he's down for a week, I'm there. But undeniably, sex was a topic then. I mean, obviously he had wanted something from his investment right? You can say I was sort of his 'mistress' in Malaysia but the way I see it, he's just like a 'Sugardaddy'. Our relationship had gone on for about 3 years before he retired and went back to USA. By then, I had graduated and was living on my own. So, that was it. It had ended just like this, or at least that was what I had thought. But somewhere in 2006, or was it 2005 year end, he contacted me. He said he was coming down to KL with his wife for a holiday and had wanted to meet me. I immediately froze! OMG!! Did his wife find out about it? And they're here now looking for me? But in the end we met. Me, him and his wife, Marcia. A lovely lady indeed. Sweet old lady. He introduced me as Trinity, his 'god-daughter' in Malaysia. God daughter? Huh? Since when? Hahahaha... That night, we had dinner at a restaurant called Fisherman's Cove. It's in Feast Village @ Starhill Gallery. Sometimes, when I look at the photos we took that night, it reminded me of the GOOOD times I had with him, as in my 'god father'. I hadn't heard from him after that night but lately in 2008, he sent me an e-mail. Probably he was trying to contact my mobile but had failed (coz I had changed my number then). He asked how I was and whether I was married bla..bla..bla..and he did mention about his newly born grandson, Mikey and how busy he was looking after the baby. Though he didn't say if he was going to
come to KL but never the less, we still kept in contact till today. He still sends Mikey's photos over and photos of himself and his family and sometimes, I do send my photos over as well. Probably he got a shock after seeing my photos. Imagine the difference of how I look 7 years ago, the pussycat doll look and how I look today...
That was the story I told my friend just now. Guess no one knew who I was 7 years ago! But I was a bitch, you can say that.

But let's just say, if you're looking for a SCAN, or if you've marked your target, then you should go for it! I mean, why should you be afraid of rejection? If he says no, then move on. He's just a stranger. After this, you wouldn't even see him at all. But if you do somehow meet him again, then its called FATE. Well, generally, I was
referring to picking up a man in the mall or public areas. Not those in the office where you meet everyday. So, recently, I made a move on a man in KLCC. A real cool move and it was quite a hit actually.

Let me share my experience here...

I was actually passing by KLCC, to the exact Marks & Spencer, and the cookies there are just simply irresistable.

So, I had to go in and get a few packs for myself, of course. Eventually I went in, browse through some dresses, coz they have big sizes available, tried on some shoes, tested some perfumes, run my hands through some silky bras, and there he was!! This gorgeous looking white man, tall, built, charming. Simply charming!! So being a professional in this, as in collecting SCANS, I walked across to the men's area, I didn't notice that I had actually walked into the briefs and boxers section. In my head, I was like DARN!! I couldnt have possibly get him to do this! Then, HAH, thank GOD, I turned and saw some ties hanging there. Phew!! By then, he was walking towards
me. I had to make my move. Otherwise, it would be a disaster. So, I had this confused look and was examining the tie I had pulled from the rack. And so I said, "Excuse me, do you mind lending me a hand here?" He looked confused at first but still walked towards me. I gave him the sweetest smile ever. And so he said.

He : Sorry, but I dont work here.
Me : I know. I just need help in choosing a tie. I'm trying to buy a tie for my friend and well, I can't decide on the colour. And I saw you for afar. You looked like you have taste in fashion.

We both laughed. He then picked up a purple tie and handed to me.

Me : If you dont mind, can I try it on you? Just to see how it looks.

He agreed and turned. And there I was, tying the tie around his neck, like how a wife would do for her man. Such a romantic scene when I look back and think bout it. Perfect!! The tie was perfect on him. And at least I know that would be his choice.

Me : Thank you err..I'm Lynn. What's your name?
He : I'm Brian.

I froze for a moment. How could he have the same name as that IDIOTIC Ex of mine!! Argh..!!! I was going to say Goodbye Brian. I don't like you now because of your name. But that sounded silly, isn't it? But then, it would be a pity to let a gorgeous hunk like him slip through my fingers. But his voice had brought me back.

He : Hello Lynn. Are you alright?
Me : Yeah I'm fine. Thank you Brian
He : So, are you buying this tie? Is it for a special someone?
Me : No, its just a friend, that's all. His birthday is coming up actually.
He : Right, ok!

Right then, I knew I had to jump straight in before the opportunity vanishes.

Me : So, are you here for business or leisure?
He : Business actually. I travel to Malaysia all the time, like every month for about a week.
Me : Owh. So Brian, how can I contact you? I mean, I just want to ask you out for a drink, to thank you for your help today.

He then took out his namecard and handed it to me. Ohh!! A Canadian! Excellent!

Me : But, this is your canadian cellphone right? How can I contact you in KL?
He : I'm at C*** Midvalley. Call the hotel and look for me, Brian *****, room 18**

Yes!! At that moment, I felt like hugging myself and congratulating myself for this grand victory!! Yes! I did it!! And so I bought the tie, wrapped it up nicely and placed it in a nice paperbag. On Friday morning, I called the hotel and looked for him, asked him out to dinner just around the mall. So, after work, I rushed home to
change and headed down to meet him. We had dinner at the hotel cafe that night and well, when it was the perfect moment, I gave the tie to him.

He : I thought it was for your friend.
Me : Yeah it was for my friend but I THINK IT LOOKS BETTER ON YOU (Ladies, please take note of this AYAT POWER)

He blushed a little and then thanked me for the present. The night was long. Dinner, a lil chit chat, and we ended up in the cinema at The Gardens. I left the hotel at around 11pm that night with the intetion of getting in touch with him again tomorrow or soon, but of course before he leaves on Sunday. But then, my EX, Brian had to create a commotion that night and had forced me to fly down to Singapore to settle this SHIT!! Damn you BRIAN ANTHONY!!

So this is my story, ladies. Take it as an experience that I wanna share with you. My life, my story and my ideas on how to hook a man. Like I told my friend just now, I may compile my life stories and then write a book when I'm 60. The title should be "Scandling for DUMMIES" or "Scandaling Made Easy - Quick Tips on How to Get YOUR Ideal

Ladies, look out for this book alright, written by mua, Trinity Tan, 35 years from now. And make sure it hits the NY Bestsellers List!!

The most important thing is BODY LANGUAGE. You have to show that you're not interested but you are interested. You know what I mean? Hahahaha..Its confusing but you have to try. Never show a man that you're desperate for his attention but at the same time, you want his attention. Dont get what I mean? I'll elaborate more in my next posting...keep reading guys

Friday, March 5, 2010

Tell Him...

This song is dedicated to my dearest friend (you know who you are), who is truly madly deeply in love with someone right now.

Though I'm also in this situation as I'm too afraid to commit to a relationship myself, fearing the worst. But what's the worst that could happen to me? I've been through a lot lately. So what else has GOD laid down to test me?

So, should I? Should I TELL HIM?

"I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Oooh - what if
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do

I've been there
With my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can't let the chance
To love him pass you by

Chorus: Tell him
Tell him that the sun and moon
Rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Touch him
With the gentleness you feel inside
Your love can't be denied
The truth will set you free
You'll have what's mean to be
All in time you'll see

I love him
Of that much I can be sure
I don't think I could endure
If I let him walk away
When I have so much to say
(Repeat Chorus)

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It's a steady flame that grows
Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Your faith will lead love where it has today.

Never let him go..."

P/S : Dear Friend, we shall sing this song together one day. But if only I have the voice of Celine or Barbara.