Saturday, November 28, 2009

Heaven Knows

This song has been in my mind the whole day. I heard it a few times today, in the car, at home, in the mall and even at the pasar malam. Did GOD really want me to hear this song? Or was it just mere co-incidence? Anyway, I’m sure you’ve heard of the song before. Heaven Knows by Rick Price. Ring a bell? Well, I remembered this song very well or at least this album of his. It was a birthday gift from Jennifer, right after my first break up. Still remembered the painful and sorrowful moment I went through. But thankfully I had my best buddies with me.

And how here are the lyrics to this song. Just a bit and I’ve changed the She to He, just to make it more real.

He's always on my mind

From the time I wake up,

Till I close my eyes.

He's everywhere I go

He's all I know.

And though he's so far away,

It just keeps getting stronger everyday

And even now he's gone

I'm still holding on

So tell me, where do I start

'Coz it's breakin' my heart

Don't wanna let him go

Maybe my love will come back someday

Only heaven knows

And maybe our hearts will find a way

But only heaven knows

And all I can do is hope & pray

'Coz heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me

That if you really love him,

You've gotta set him free

And if he returns in time

I'll know he's mine

But tell me, where do I start

'Coz it's breakin' my heart

Don't wanna let him go

'Coz heaven knows

Why I live in despair

'Coz wide awake or dreamin',

I know he's never there

And all the time I act so brave,

I'm shakin' inside

Why does it hurt me so?

Isn’t the lyrics beautiful? It reminds me of someone. Someone I love truly. Someone who may never know that I love him. Or perhaps knows bout it but is just letting it go. Maybe he already has someone else in his life. Maybe...maybe. Who knows? Only Heaven knows. But who knows, maybe he will return to me. But when will this happen? Or when he finally returns, will I be there for him? Will I wait for him? Shall I wait for a one sided love? Will I? Or would I spend my life leading an unhappy ending? My life is really empty without him. I feel it. I think he might be the only man that would complete me. But if this is a dying love, why did GOD make him appear in my life? I trust that GOD has his own ways of making things, even play matchmaker at times.

Everyone dreams of a happy ending. A fairy tale wedding, a grand reception with all your friends and family. But do fairy tales exists? I still remembered watching the film Enchanted, where Giselle was waiting for her true love’s kiss. And she got it in the end!! Damn the ever gorgeous hunk Patrick Dempsey!! Hahaha.. but will I have my fairy tale ending? I’m not looking for something big. I don’t expect grand wedding receptions. I don’t need a big house, a big car, luxurious furnishings, maids and servants or butlers to serve me. All I want is a happy family of my own, a loving husband with perhaps 2 children by my side, leading a happy life in our own backyard. But I dare say that I have thought of more. Like leaving in a castle in Scotland married to a royalty, enjoying the rich and famous lifestyle, walking down the streets of NYC and Manhattan, browsing thru the shops in Fifth Evenue, dining with celebs. Who doesn’t dream of this,right?

But yes, I love this man. I really do. And I would do anything for him. I would die for him, honestly. But unfortunately, my love is not returned.

Will I wait for him? Or should I just let him go?

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