Saturday, April 16, 2011

My Wish...

I wish it was December 2010 all over again.
I wish it was truly 24th December 2010 again.
I really really wish it was...
Would I have lived my life differently then?
If I had lived it differently, would it end the way it ended now?
Separation? As in separation without the chances of even being friends?
Boy oh boy, I do live in regret at times.

I still think of the good times we had when we were so in love. The anticipation of getting your calls late at night or the long wait till the weekend just to see you and spend precious times with you for just two nights till we part again. My oh my, I still wished it wasn't over. Maybe you may say I'm crazy for not letting the past go but how could I when we were so powerful together and back then, I thought that nothing would tear us apart. Nothing. Not even a single flaw will bring us apart. But I guess I was just so darn wrong! Or maybe you would say that it wasn't a small thing after all. I admit that it was a huge decision at that time, and with the added surprise and the sudden loss of the unborn but you should've been there for me, not away from me or to withdraw yourself from all these. You were a part of me then and I still wished you were a part of me now but I guess this isn't going to happen.

But if it was Christmas 2010 again, I guess I would have lived my life differently. Maybe I should've gone for it earlier, before the formation of the unborn, before it all started. Would it have changed everything? Would we be happily married by now, you as my husband and me as your wife, living our dreams together and making them come true? Would it? Maybe we would have conquered the world by now. You and Me...

You know what, sometimes I lay in bed and think, if we were married today and I hadn't gone for the operation, what would it be like for you and me? Huh? I would be hmm..4 months pregnant by now? And normally those thoughts will bring tears to my eyes.

Though I try to forget you, forget what you've done and forget about our past, and put on a fake smile and walk ahead, yet when I look in the mirror, I see this sad look underneath that smile, a face full of regrets and pain. A face that had hoped this wasn't the end yet has to still accept that it is in fact the end of the game.

But I guess if you had given us a chance to work things out, it would have been different all together. We could have tried to mend this broken relationship. I could have forgave you for the immaturity or the insensibility and you could at least have tried to love me again although your heart wasn't with me anymore.

If only I could turn back time....24th December 2010

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